It is officially October, which means that our sweet Caleb's first birthday and Angelversary are quickly approaching. I have dreaded the days leading up to October. At this time last year, we were busily making the final preparations for the arrival of our little pumpkin. I had list upon list of things to be done and things to be bought. We were putting his crib together, washing baby clothes, reading "big brother" books with the boys, sanitizing bottles, and disinfecting any and everything.
(I still have a chalkboard up at home with our list of things to do at this time last year. I can't bring myself to erase it.)
Now here we are, a year later, and instead of busily preparing for a first birthday party, I am struggling to decide on the best way to honor this precious little life that was too quickly taken from us. It has been, without a doubt, the most sad and difficult year of my life. Losing a child is one of the, if not THE hardest thing for a parent to endure. I am finding myself between tears and anger, still trying to make sense of something that makes little, if any sense at all. Instead of memories of experiences together and special milestones during the first precious year of life, we have lost the hopes and dreams of what the future was supposed to hold.
While the world has moved on around us, I often feel the pressure to move on and let go as well; however I know that as a grieving parent, "moving on" will never be possible. Our lives have been changed forever, touched by a tiny baby boy who now only lives in our hearts. And there is a constant fear of him being forgotten or of dishonoring him in some way. It is difficult to hold on to a memory when you feel like others around you do not. For this reason, we continue to talk about our Caleb constantly and make sure that he is a part of our lives. His big brothers talk about him in some capacity every single day. And while others may not understand, we will not stop speaking his name and remembering the short, but precious life he lived.
On the 17th of every month, which is the day Caleb was born, we do something special and fun as a family. On the 19th of every month, which is the day Caleb died, we picnic at his little spot at the cemetery and take him flowers or decorate for an upcoming holiday. And now, it's October...the month of our angel's first birthday and Angelversary. It also happens to be National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. This month, I hope hope to do my part to bring attention to the needs of grieving parents and bring awareness of pregnancy and infant loss. I also hope to honor and celebrate our sweet Caleb in the most special way.
Below are some wonderful ideas I have found of things you can do this month or on your child's special day. Do what feels right for you and your family.
Ways to Celebrate Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month...
- Participate in the "Wave of Light" on October 15th by lighting a candle at 7 PM in all time zones, all over the world. Keep your candle burning for at least an hour, which will create a wave of light over the entire world.
- Participate in the Capture Your Grief Photographic Challenge for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
- Tie pink or blue ribbons around trees in yards, neighborhoods, and parks.
- Contact your local radio station and have them announce that it is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
- Sponsor a candle lighting ceremony in a park, church, or local hospital.
- Have a T-Shirt made in honor of your angel baby.
- Write an article and submit it to your local newspaper.
- Sponsor flowers in honor of your baby in a church service or hospital.
- Create your own blog or website in honor of your baby.
- Start a foundation or fundraiser.
- Hold a memorial service or gathering at your home, church, or a local park.
- Participate in a walk or activity held in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month (find a list of events in your area HERE).
- Wear a piece of jewelry in honor of your child.
- Make October 15th Remembrance Ribbons.
Ways to Celebrate Baby's Birthday and "Angelversary"
- Release butterflies or doves.
- Plant a special tree in honor of your baby.
- Donate teddy bears to a local hospital in honor of your child. These bears will give a newly bereaved family something to take home from the hospital.
- Have a special dinner with close family/friends.
- Release balloons with special messages written to your child.
- Have a sky lantern release (if permitted in your area).
- Light a candle in your child's honor and keep it burning all day. If you'd like, invite family and friends to do the same and ask them to photograph the candle to share with you.
- Gather at your child's grave site, or other special place, and sing "Happy Birthday" and have cupcakes or cake.
- Invite family and friends to write cards to your child. Put the cards in a special box and leave them at your child's grave site.
- Buy a gift that you think your child would have liked at the age they would be on their current birthday, and donate it to an underprivileged child.
- Take presents to your local children's hospital and write "In memory of our son on his birthday" on the gifts. This allows your child to touch the lives of others.
- Make a donation to a charity in honor of your child.
- Create a special place in your home to honor your child, filled with his/her special things.
- Donate memory boxes to your local hospital.
Here are some other organizations doing so much to help us remember and honor our babies.
